We have been always best friends for an exceptionally long time … so long, I don’t remember either how long … it looks like we both were twins and born together … we shared each and everything with each other … we never hide anything to complain about and to come between our neat and pristine relationship … yet …
But this was an exception … he had, all of a sudden, kept himself retracted … he, who has given a meaning to life, have ideals to follow and pursue … all of a sudden lost interest in any formal activity … even when he joins those, I could see … he walks like a zombie, talks like a zombie, even laughs like a zombie … just fulfilling his purpose of stay … no heart into anything … like a drunk spirit!!!
I can count zillions of times I tried to ask what has been disturbing him … he would look at me helplessly … I could see the immense pain, and feel his burning eyes … he stares at me as if telling … “now it is over and no one can help me anymore … my spirited life and interest in life is over … but my time remains to be over … I am only waiting till my time is finished” …
I am never leaving an opportunity to see him and to console for his un-fathomed depth of pain … most of the time he calls me … several times each day … being near, I know about the restless nights and blanked out days he suffers through … he calls me then when he gets restless with anguish and misery … like a perpetually tormenting dagger right in the middle of his heart!!!!!
He though answers me some times, but in abstract incoherent questions … for which I couldn’t frame any reference to respond … his queries are usually in …
‘Why it could become possible for him to do that to us?’… ‘How could he do that to us?’
‘What made it possible for him to be so cruel, callous and arrogant to disregard all the pleadings … appeals of those who loved him and had given him all his desires, even his existence?’
‘How come his desires became so important to him that he practically didn’t care to knowingly stab those who had persistently loved and cared about him?’
‘It was not an impulsive blow to easily clean the guilt … rather it was much with a determination to sustain and witness the long-agonizing decadence of pain, anger and desperateness of others …’
‘How come he would be able to answer God when he has mercilessly and selfishly broken several delicate and innocent hearts and souls?
How come he could dare to snatch and throw in abyss a beloved soul from their lovers?’
… And on and on he goes echoing the same and similar ramblings …
But what I could only figure out through these discourses that someone who was very close and dear to him and unto whom he has invested all his life expectations had severely betrayed him and broken him severely reaching the very deep depths of his soul … but … he never reveals the mystery and doesn’t let anyone to try reaching to the depths of his agonizing pain, because he believes, it is a gone case … a total loss …
When I tell him that being a man of belief, you should make dua for him … his pain intensifies. He says, “An uncontrollable wave of disappointing hate automatically surges from within me when I see or hear him, or remembers him, because he defeated and crushed me with no mercy or compassion. I know that my duas could become a beacon for his dark days … yet I am helpless … unless and until, I find these answers to my satisfaction, I would remain destitute … and I am even sad for this situation.”
I myself am in deep grief for his conditions, but I don’t know when could this take a positive turn?
muneebhusaini 